Pappa wants mamma naked
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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