she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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