sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
