If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
