I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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