her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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