Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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