I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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