Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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