3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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