The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
