dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
