When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
