and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
