remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
