She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
