toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
