TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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