a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
