You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
