i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
