My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
