hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
