morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
