Already got asked if we're dating
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
