The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
