Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
