those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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