I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
