you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
