That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
