I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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