You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
