Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
