And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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