I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
