I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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