She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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