cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize