It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
