I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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