He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
