Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
