what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
