hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
