I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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