Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
