dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
