whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
