he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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