i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
