How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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