apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize