I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize