who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
