I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
