Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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