I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
