guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
