dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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