Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
