She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I still have a little drunk in my system
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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