I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
