i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
