Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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