Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i now understand why vodka
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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