Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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