who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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