I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Houston, we have a blender
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
