just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
