You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
