you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
