My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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