The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
