Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
