I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
