I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
