She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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