When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
